Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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