You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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