Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
