Please, let me fuck your mom
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
