I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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