just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
