I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize