i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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