It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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