Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
