In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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