you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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