look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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