I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do vagina's smell?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
