My friends, they love my intelligence
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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