i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
