so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
