so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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