the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
