It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
