My cat gives me a boner
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
