i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I FOUND THE LEGS
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
