Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
