I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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