he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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