remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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