if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
