I want to have your abortion
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
