I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
