I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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