Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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