so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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