I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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