mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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