I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
