Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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