If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
