Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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