Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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