I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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