It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
