hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
