I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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