i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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