I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize