Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?