I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.