im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.