have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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