You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
