So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
