I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
