your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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