Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
is that a dick in a sweater?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
