Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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