Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize