In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
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if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
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