when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
