I'm jealous of your bromance
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
