If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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