I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
