Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
false alarm, still single
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