I hope mine doesn't look like that
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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