i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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